| Nick Landsberg 2004-04-08, 9:34 am |
| I know it's a day late for April Fool's day, but I
just unearthed this gem from my archives.
Questions:
1. Does it strike a resonant chord with anyone
involved with software engineering?
2. Assuming it does. What do you suggest
we do about it?
========
Dear Mr. Architect,
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I
need, so you should use your discretion.
My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make
sure the plans are such that bedrooms can be easily added or
deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final
decision of what I want. Also bring me the cost breakdown for each
configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately chose must cost less than
the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you
correct all the deficiencies that currently exist in my house (the
floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls
don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
Also keep in mind as you design this house that I wish to keep yearly
maintenance cost as low as possible. This should mean the
incorporation of premium features like aluminum or vinyl siding at no
extra cost. If you chose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to
explain in detail.
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest
materials are used in construction of the house. The house should be
really nice. However, be alerted that the kitchen should be designed
to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To assure that you are building the correct house for our family,
make sure that you contact my wife, each of the children and also
the in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about
how the house ought to be designed since she visits with us at least
once a year. Make sure that you weigh all these options carefully
and make the right decision. I, however, retain the right to
override any decision you come up with.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to
develop the overall plans for this house. Get the big picture. It
is not appropriate at this time to be choosing the color of the
carpet. However. keep in mind that my wife likes green.
Also do not worry at this time about acquiring resources to build
this house. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and
specifications. However, once I accept these plans, I will expect to
have the house under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind
that sooner or later I will have to sell this house. It should have
appeal to potential buyers. Please make sure that before you
finalize the plans, thre is a consensus of the population in my area
that they like the features this house has.
You are advised to go and look at my neighbor's house he had
constructed last year. We like it a great deal It has many features
that we would like to have in our new home, particularly the 75-foot
swimming pool. With careful engineering I believe that you can
design this into our new house without impacting the construction
cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at
this time to do the real design since these blueprints will be used
only for construction bids. Please be advised however. that any
increase of cost in the future as a result of design changes will
result in me contacting my lawyers.
You must be thrilled to be working on an interesting project such as
this. To be able to use new kinds of technology and to be given such
freedom in your designs is something that doesn't happen very often.
Contact me as rapidly as possible with your design ideas. I am
enthusiastic about seeing what you can come up with.
P.S. My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the
instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect it is your
responsibility to resolve these issues. I have tried in the past and
have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this, I'll
have to look for a new architect.
P.P.S. Perhaps what I need is not a house at all but a travel
trailer. Please advise me as early as possible if that is the case.
--
"It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because fools are so ingenious"
- A. Bloch
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